This great article takes a pot shot at NRIs returning from pardes (foreign country) to India. It's worth a good laugh. How about an alternative point of view? That of the returning daughter-of-the-soil. I eagerly look forward to my annual pilgrimage to my home. In fact I can give you some fine pointers on how to have a happy vacation back home.
Step 1: Brush up your Maths
Now you ask me why is that necessary. Arre, you need it if you are "budget-
conscious" like me. I would happily go with the cargo if airlines allowed that. You may have to work out several permutations and combinations of dates, vacation days, and your salary to get the right ticket. For the right price you may get to go to Delhi via, Germany, Thailand, and Sri Lanka. (If you travel by Business Class all the time, please quit this blog right now. I'm jealous.)
Step 2: Make a list when you buy gifts
Also take memory-sharpening lessons. If you visit India just once a
year you may have to meet about 50+ people (I'm definitely not exaggerating here). Buying gifts for all requires a lot of skill. You may want to consult your Other Half (OH) for the choice of gifts. Why the memory lessons you ask? Well, if you don't, the following scenario might involve you:
OH: "What does your aunt's daughter-in-law's cousin like?"
You: "She likes to paint."
OH: "Good, I'll buy that lovely paint book I saw at..."
You: "Wait, I forgot; I think it was my aunt's son-in-law's sister who liked to paint.. this one likes to dance... or floss her teeth.. or maybe both".
OH: *Faint*
Step 3: Learn to pack your baggage properly
Else you may spend half of your vacation packing, weighing, unpacking, repacking, weighing... (loop).
At the airport you may also have to chuck some of that beautiful potpourri that you were taking for your mom's pet dog.
Step 4: Learn to take everything in your stride
You may hear something like the following.."Wow! You look so much more fatter/older/uglier" or "Change your dress immediately.. arre log kya kahenge?" (what will people say?)
Step 5: Give the gifts graciously
We know you that you spent hours to get "just the right thing". Most of them are appreciated. However, at times, you may also get to hear this.. "Yeh toh yahaan bhi milta hai (you get this here as well). "Darn, I wanted a shampoo; why did you get me a perfume"? "But, you got me the same lipstick
last year!" Stick with the standard response - "Oh..sorry".
Step 6: Do Travel locally
Sloths are meant to be in jungles so do not try to morph into one. Travel around. Now, this may be met with a great amount of Tchahs! Even if you spent 3 decades in the country and left just last month, the usual comments are - "How will you travel in city buses here?". "What! You are going to Timbuktoo? How will you travel in local train?" "Do you know that you can get robbed here?"
From their point of view, PLEASE refrain from making idiotic statements such as "Cola here tastes so funny na?", "I will not travel in a non-A/C car", "What! No electricity? How do you guys liiiive?"
Do not forget that a few years ago, you could give your right arm for your rightful share of a Bunta. (For the un-initiated, Bunta is a street soft drink).
Step 7: Eat. Shop.Eat
And no currency conversion here please!
Step 1: Brush up your Maths
Now you ask me why is that necessary. Arre, you need it if you are "budget-
conscious" like me. I would happily go with the cargo if airlines allowed that. You may have to work out several permutations and combinations of dates, vacation days, and your salary to get the right ticket. For the right price you may get to go to Delhi via, Germany, Thailand, and Sri Lanka. (If you travel by Business Class all the time, please quit this blog right now. I'm jealous.)
Step 2: Make a list when you buy gifts
Also take memory-sharpening lessons. If you visit India just once a
year you may have to meet about 50+ people (I'm definitely not exaggerating here). Buying gifts for all requires a lot of skill. You may want to consult your Other Half (OH) for the choice of gifts. Why the memory lessons you ask? Well, if you don't, the following scenario might involve you:
OH: "What does your aunt's daughter-in-law's cousin like?"
You: "She likes to paint."
OH: "Good, I'll buy that lovely paint book I saw at..."
You: "Wait, I forgot; I think it was my aunt's son-in-law's sister who liked to paint.. this one likes to dance... or floss her teeth.. or maybe both".
OH: *Faint*
Step 3: Learn to pack your baggage properly
Else you may spend half of your vacation packing, weighing, unpacking, repacking, weighing... (loop).
At the airport you may also have to chuck some of that beautiful potpourri that you were taking for your mom's pet dog.
Step 4: Learn to take everything in your stride
You may hear something like the following.."Wow! You look so much more fatter/older/uglier" or "Change your dress immediately.. arre log kya kahenge?" (what will people say?)
Step 5: Give the gifts graciously
We know you that you spent hours to get "just the right thing". Most of them are appreciated. However, at times, you may also get to hear this.. "Yeh toh yahaan bhi milta hai (you get this here as well). "Darn, I wanted a shampoo; why did you get me a perfume"? "But, you got me the same lipstick
last year!" Stick with the standard response - "Oh..sorry".
Step 6: Do Travel locally
Sloths are meant to be in jungles so do not try to morph into one. Travel around. Now, this may be met with a great amount of Tchahs! Even if you spent 3 decades in the country and left just last month, the usual comments are - "How will you travel in city buses here?". "What! You are going to Timbuktoo? How will you travel in local train?" "Do you know that you can get robbed here?"
From their point of view, PLEASE refrain from making idiotic statements such as "Cola here tastes so funny na?", "I will not travel in a non-A/C car", "What! No electricity? How do you guys liiiive?"
Do not forget that a few years ago, you could give your right arm for your rightful share of a Bunta. (For the un-initiated, Bunta is a street soft drink).
Step 7: Eat. Shop.Eat
And no currency conversion here please!
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